Midterm season is upon us.
Welcome, sleepless nights, long stares at blinking cursors, hastily scribbled flashcards, the pervasive stench of unwashed bodies…and the rape-as-a-metaphor-for-my-failed-exam Facebook statuses.
You’ve seen them:
“Every night of finals I feel like I need a rape kit for the failure.”
“THAT BIOCHEM EXAM JUST RAPED ME.” (The more caps the better.)
Such statuses are usually followed by a dozen “LOL” or “LMAO” in the comments section. There’s a collective sense of pride, a sharing of the schadenfreude. The status-writer feels accomplished. He may have failed that midterm abysmally, but at least he’s been commended for his adroit turn of phrase. (I say he, but I’ve seen girls do the same.)
I want to get a larger point across here, but first, let me be very, very clear.
These statuses are offensive. They are not funny. They reflect glaring obtuseness, a dearth of creativity, and, most disconcertingly of all, a fundamental lack of sensitivity.
I mean, really? Really? Failing your midterm because you decided to study two nights before the exam is like being sexually penetrated against your will?
The default argument, of course, is that it’s all willful exaggeration. Obviously, failing an econ midterm is not like getting raped. But we exaggerate because it’s funny. And if we can make jokes about murder, what’s wrong with a little rape humor?
It’s the same faulty premise that fuels the concept of “equal opportunity offending.” Usually white, usually straight, these fearless comics mock blacks, gays, Jews, trans folk, immigrants, Muslims, and the like, because everybody deserves to be insulted—it’s only fair. How these usually white, usually straight “comedians” factor in their own societal privilege—well, they don’t.
In a country where most sexual assaults still go unreported, where rape victims often have to be nothing short of Mother Theresa to get their day in court, where our university’s own sexual assault policies have been historically problematic, must we indulge in this sort of silliness?
Furthermore, these Facebook statuses, which are usually born five minutes after a horrific exam, told to a friend, and then immortalized forever on the Internet, are emblematic of a troubling U of C culture—one that thrives on describing collegiate life in the most overblown, histrionic way possible.
I get it. Studying is hard. Failing a midterm, or feeling like you failed a midterm—which is usually the more likely scenario—sucks. But must we indulge in that most pathetic of pissing contests, the my-life-is-worse-than-yours competition that rears its ugly head every examination season? Simple questions that should provoke simple answers garner instead interminable lists of all the exams, all the papers that students have due in the upcoming weeks. “Fuck my life,” they groan to begin and end every conversation. But the truth is that naked arrogance is currently unfashionable, so we cloak our feelings of superiority under the guise of brutal self-deprecation. Like the ‘humble brag,’ standup comedian Harris Wittel’s phrase for corny faux humility (sample: “I’ve grown accustomed 2 helping so many folks ova the years that’ i’ve become their crutch. There will come a time when I need help. Who will?”—NFL Wide Receiver Chad Ochocinco on Twitter), this sort of self-deprecation is incredibly disingenuous.
For example, take those t-shirts:
“Where fun comes to die.”
“If I wanted an A, I would have gone to Harvard.”
“Where the only thing that goes down on you is your GPA.”
What’s supposed to be endearing self-deprecation translates into crippling self-consciousness. Are you that insecure? Do you really struggle with such a massive inferiority complex that the whole world needs to know how much harder the U of C is than those Ivy League schools you probably weren’t admitted to?
The problem with this incessant need to denigrate ourselves is that it belies our extremely good fortune. All of us, merely because we attend this school, are extremely lucky, and not in a U of C–exceptionalism kind of way, but in a straight-up, facts-are-facts, unemployment-is-4.6-percent-among-the-college-educated, great-swaths-of-the-world-live-on-less-than-a-dollar-a-day kind of way.
So let’s stop with the piss-on-ourselves contest. Please.
Tomi Obaro is a fourth-year in the College majoring in international studies.
Most UChicago students likely realize that they’re luckier than someone who isn’t even able to go to college. That doesn’t mean that we can’t joke or complain about midterms, our GPA, and other first world problems. Sure, it’s annoying when done to excess, but UChicago’s self-deprecating humor is part of the reason why lots of people love this school so much and chose it above an Ivy.
Yes, a lot of students here love this school because they can participate in a culture of fake self-pity as a method to assert themselves as superior to others, especially the Ivies.
It’s one thing to complain about how hard your school work is. It’s another to have a monolithic culture of self-pity whose obvious and transparent goal to self-glorify. The rape jokes only make this worse.
Isn’t it a little hyperbolic to compare rape jokes to self-deprecating t-shirts? It seems that your column, ironically, fits with the “overblown, histrionic” style that you identify as a problem at the university.
Which is to say, I agree that rape jokes are offensive, but I don’t think it’s fair to say that “Where fun comes to die” is on the same level.
I like your piece, and I hope you’re seeing the amount of hate it’s getting on Facebook. Why so uncomfortable, UChicago rape-joke makers? Might be a good topic for another column…
Agreed, David. This article is refreshing and called for. These “got raped on that exam” statuses only employ the tacky use of the word “rape” to add shock, since posting about how hard exams are is just so boring on its own. I mean, good lord, even terrible rape jokes aside, you can’t walk three feet on the quad without overhearing someone complain about how drenched they are in schoolwork, aka the most boring topic of conversation ever. I think the leap this article makes is astute– we need a better sense of humor.
I agree with the first part of this article – failing a midterm because you didn’t study is never comparable to rape, even jocularly – but I think the author is taking the T-shirt slogans and general U of C culture too seriously. I personally don’t know anyone here who honestly believes they work so much harder and put themselves through so much more than those Ivy League morons, or who doesn’t acknowledge how fortunate they are to be enrolled here. The self-deprecating T-shirts, much like the “that midterm raped me” comments, are meant to be ironic and funny. Of course, it is not acceptable to be ironic and funny about rape, but I see nothing wrong with taking that attitude toward one’s school.
To be honest, I see the overstatements you’re trying to associate with UChicago from friends at any mid-high tier school. I don’t think it has much to do with this UChicago.
Whoops, I had ‘this school’ instead of UChicago.
I am definitely not a fan of the rape jokes. And, sadly, it is not just part of UofC’s culture as you portray in this piece, but a growing epidemic amongst the masses of teenage->young adults. They are not necessary and completely offensive, especially when you personally know someone who has been sexually-abused. Also, I agree that UChicago’s self-deprecation can become a little overblown, but sometimes those jokes can put things into perspective for you, and sometimes-or all the time if you’re me-you realize that you have it way easier than most of the people around you. What I don’t like are the pretentious attitudes a good number of fellow classmates possess…
Which is worse, exaggerated complaining about how bad your life sucks, or exaggerated complaining about other people complaining about how their life sucks?
The former is designed to produce pity in the audience, while the latter is designed to produce shame. But they’re basically the same thing: gratuitous displays of public masturbation.
Here’s how the you should have ended your op-ed: “So let’s stop with the piss-on-ourselves contest. Please. [Because you feel way more awesome when you piss on everyone else.]“
Yeah!
Why her complaining exaggerated? From my experience here, her description of the culture here is spot-on accurate.
And if you want to just call all criticism “pissing on someone else” then you might as well include your own. Stop “pissing” on her article, Joshua. It’s “obvious” that you’re just doing “public masturbation.”
Connecting a facebook status to white male privilege and unreported rape is not an accurate in any sense of the word. The author is simply substituting obtuseness for over-sensitivity.
If you think pointing out this hypocrisy counts as “public masturbation” as I described it, then you didn’t understand my first post.
What do you mean by “connecting?” Obaro’s point was that using rape to describe something that is actually a product of privilege (taking a test at an expensive and prestigious university) is offensive and trivializes rape, not to mention is uncreative. Exaggerations like this, while not necessarily always offensive, like with the use of rape, are symptomatic of a larger culture of arrogant self-glorification masked as self-deprecation.
THANK YOU! for calling people out on this gluttonous self-pity! It’s a disgusting waste of the treasure of communication – get real folks.
Also, Tomi this was wonderful but please don’t restrain yourself next time. Hash it out all the way!
I’m looking forward to it.
Eh, I like your comment so much.
A tasteless, vulgar misappropriation of the word “rape” does NOT belong in the same category as “Where Fun Comes to Die” or “If I wanted an ‘A,’ I would have gone to Harvard.” The former is a lengthy expletive that any feckless, spittle-soaked “bro” at Northsoutheastwest State could utter; the latter is obviously a good-natured, chuckle-worthy gibe.
That said, I regret to hear that Ms. Obaro is pathologically unable to recognize jokes. Perhaps scientists sporting self-deprecating U of C t-shirts will one day find a cure for her otherwise terminal condition.
Your post shows exactly what’s wrong with UofC culture. The t-shirt jokes aren’t primarily aimed at achieving humor as much as distinguishing ourselves from the “spittle-soaked” cretins at “Northsoutheastwest State.” Thank you for nakedly and unabashedly revealing the supreme, disgusting arrogance we’ve been discussing.
Sorry, Eh, but I fail to see the downside to being genuinely better than the wretched troglodytes who drink their way through four years at god-forsaken party schools. If the gilded burden of applying yourself at a top-tier university weights too heavily upon your shoulders, then perhaps it’d behoove you to decamp for another institution.
I also think that it’s awfully presumptuous of you to assume that everyone who buys one of those t-shirts is merely doing so to feed some sort of deep-seated superiority complex. A good number of us, myself included, just find them funny, and I’m personally exasperated by your simultaneous finger-pointing and self-flagellation. Privilege is what you make of it, and a lot of us who had the privilege of attending the U of C (and who bought self-deprecating t-shirts during our stay) end up dedicating our lives to improving the lives of the less fortunate.
Glad someone is generous enough to feel that those wretched troglodytes deserve a little help.
“The t-shirt jokes aren’t primarily aimed at achieving humor as much as distinguishing ourselves from the ‘spittle-soaked’ cretins at ‘Northsoutheastwest State’.”
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I buy and wear the T-shirts because they’re humorous. I have a large amount of work to do here at UChicago, and I enjoy making light of this first-world problem through witty quotations – I don’t expect to garner any sympathy from this. Please do not ascribe motives to me that I do not have.
I don’t think anyone actually believes that suffering through a difficult exam can be compared to sexual assault. OED lists 12 different definitions of rape, so one shouldn’t be quick to assume that any usage of the word “rape” automatically has something to do with forced sex.
Exactly what I was going to say.
Midterms are here!? Time to break out the lube!
1. Facebook statuses. They’re annoying as hell. Maybe everyone should take two of their complaining friends, and tell them to suck it up and shut up, and the statuses might stop…while an article like this is a good start, it might bring a moment of introspection for the status-posters, but there will need to be a bit of a larger push (probably in the personal realm), before annoying stuff like this stops. This is possibly the same issue of that-kids. YOU CAN MAKE IT STOP, you just need to talk to the person – truly I’m guilty of not doing this either – it is a hard thing – but it’s a solution.
2. Of course people can buy T-shirts for different reasons, but it doesn’t stop the fact that some external observers are going to think they look ridiculous. If this hard work and oddness etc. truly is a part of the “culture”, then it should naturally spread itself through our casual conversations with others, rather than these forced t-shirts. I know you shouldn’t judge someone based on their t-shirt, but I can’t help but get a (likely false) first impression when someone wears this shirt that “Wow this person wasn’t thinking much, at all.” Perhaps some people buy the shirts for fun, but they should think a bit more about what message that spreads, and what behavior that reinforces in other Uchicago students.
Also, I thought UChicago students were creative. Why do we keep selling these slogans? They’re *hardly* clever “IT WOULD BE EASY IF IT WERE YOUR MOM HUR HUR” “IF I WANTED AN A I WOULD HAVE GONE TO HARVARD HERP DERP”.
I guess it’s okay to make light of this “heavy situation” through some means, but I don’t think that means needs to be an external one, i.e., suck it up – there are plenty of other…culture…things one can broadcast that aren’t this ridiculous self-pity/deprecation blah blah blah blah
…you certainly don’t hear the term “jewed” thrown around much nowadays. As in, “my Econ professor totally jewed me out of an A.” I would hazard that “rape” as an all purpose negative is simply at the crest of a transient popularity upsurge. Wait it out; in four years an entirely different turn of phrase will be offending everyone.
One thing you don’t have to worry about is getting raped at UChicago unless it’s by your coursework.
I feel like one could also point out that this article somewhat falsely promotes this idea that privilege doesn’t require hard work. I’d say that if many of us were a little more honest with ourselves that we’ve sacrificed our youth to this school.
I also think that the whole charge that the author is being a little oversensitive is valid. I think we can all agree that the comparison IS insensitive and ridiculous, but I think it more ridiculous if that is how we hear such statements.
I also think that you could make the argument that the less taboo something like rape is the more likkely people may be willing to talk about. If anything surrounding rape should be fixed, it probably should be the slut-shaming not the making of such a grotesque word into an absurdity.