Charles Dickens continues to haunt hotel guests, English language

As part of their shameless attempt to placate the devil-worshipping masses, just about every media as

By Tim Murphy

As part of their shameless attempt to placate the devil-worshipping masses, just about every media asset in the United States will be running its happy happy fun Halloween stories today. They’ll be trumpeting pearls of wisdom like “how to deal with your child’s obnoxious peanut allergy” (answer: steal his/her Reeses’ cups), spotlighting creative costumes, like the guy who dresses up as a homeless quarterback, and of course, investigating the haunted household next door.The Trib has comprehensive coverage, including an item on how some schools are banning “political” costumes like Hillary Clinton or Rudy Giuliani. I don’t really understand the schools’ reasoning, except that I agree neither Clinton nor Giuliani are very scary. But what if someone dressed up as Harriet Miers?The Boston Globe’s coverage takes the cake, though, by highlighting two angles that I am an absolute sucker for: Charles Dickens-bashing and Spectral Wampanoag Warriors from King Philip’s War. They find a 152-year-old hotel where Dickens stayed during his North American tour (tickets are still available,), and according to sources, never really left. According to the Globe:

“According to the hotel, people have reported gazing into the mirror and noticing that items that should appear in the reflection are missing.”

Ironically, I had that same feeling when I finished Tale of Two Cities and found that the text missing any apparent literary value. .The second story puts Dickens’s ghost to shame, though. I’ve always had a fascination with King Philip’s War, since my hometown of Medfield was burnt to the ground by Metacomet and his savage followers on February 21, 1676, and this report does not let me down. Beginning with a profile of a rock “said to resemble a Wampanoag chief watching over Native American ghosts still seething over losing in King Philip’s War,” they widen their focus to discover a center of paranormal activity known (by few) as the “Bridgewater Triangle”:

Other reports, Pittman said, have included the sighting of two UFOs landing near Route 44 in Taunton in 1976; large prehistoric-looking birds fighting over the inhospitable 6,000-acre Hockomock Swamp ; and several glimpses of a terrifying 7-foot-tall creature that seemed half human and half bear.

Giant terydactals!!!??? Human-Bear half-breeds running throught the woods and terrorizing the locals!!!??!!?? You can’t just hide that type of information in the middle of a paragraph and move on. This is the biggest story since the invention of the Segway.