NEWS

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March 12, 2008

Rare challenge to world famous "Maroon column boost"

In yesterday's Maroon, I called for John McCain to offer a detailed explanation of what elements of John Hagee's beliefs he actually considers "honorable." Normally, this would prompt an immediate response from the candidate, wherein he would quickly apologize, reject and denounce the pastor, and continue to know nothing about the economy.Breaking sharply from tradition, however, news has emerged that another McCain surrogate, who the senator calls his "spiritual adviser," has called for the destruction of Islam, which he calls a "false religion." Allow him to explain:

The fact is that America was founded, in part, with the intention of seeing this false religion destroyed, and I believe September 11, 2001, was a generational call to arms that we can no longer ignore.
Well, I never! It's only a matter of time before he starts going after the Buddhists.The spiritual adviser's name is the Reverend Rod Parsley, and, appropriately enough, he works at the World Harvest Church of Columbus, Ohio. I'm skeptical of Parsley and his heavenly Harvest for the same reason I'm skeptical that Nutria could ever possibly threaten humans--it sounds too much like a health foods specialty store. Nonetheless, if this keeps up, Americans may end up being convinced that the candidate who serenades crowds about bombing Iran may actually want to...bomb Iran. And, like, everyone else in that general direction. All of which would likely mean a November landslide for President Zimmer.