This is my first “quick shots” column for the Maroon. I have a long history of verbal antagonism, and I intend to give you my quick takes on what’s going on in the world of sports. With all four major sports going on at once, there is plenty to talk about.

—The Diamondbacks have classier fans than the Yankkkees.

—Now that it looks like the Expos and the Marlins are doomed, the question now is, who will get the Expos’ Vlad Guerrero? The Pirates and the Devil Rays are the best candidates with the top spots in the impending dispersal draft.

—A drunk Yankees fan came into the office the other night and yelled at one of our finest sports writers for dissing and doubting the Bombers. After a stiff punch to the gut, peace was restored. I must remember to keep the door locked on the Pub side of the office. Also, the Yankees got run up upon.

—Is it just me, or did Cal Ripken Jr. have a great career while no one was looking? My hat’s off to a man much more deserving of praise than Tony Gwynn.

—The Bears just may be for real.

—Did you know that the Denver Broncos have THREE 1,000 yard rushers in Olandis Gary, Mike Anderson, and Terrell Davis?

—According to various news sources, the Oakland Raiders have been playing the best football in the NFL. They just edged out the Rams for that title!

—If “certain teams” could only establish a running game, then it might open up the pass. Ahem, all teams.

—No one plays better D than the Calgary Flames.

—Michael Peca very well might be one of the best two-way centers in the NHL.

—Speaking of Peca, there is no team playing better hockey than the Islanders right now.

—And speaking of hockey, don’t you think John Ziegler Jr. did a much better job than Gary Bettman is now doing?

—Michael Jordan’s comeback game was really disappointing. His second game was a bit better, though.

—On the other hand, Shaq and Kobe are probably the best one-two punch in professional basketball right now. And to make matters even worse for other NBA teams, they seem to be getting along better these days. In fact, Kobe recently admitted that he used to play with Shaq and Scott Skiles on NBA Jam when he was younger. However, Kobe also admitted that he used to control Skiles, not Shaq.

—Non-sports note: I can’t stand popping/locking message boards that are populated by no-charisma meatheads, who can’t even take it from a maverick troll, albeit a particularly sharp one.

—The Raiders are the least interesting team in the NFL. They play football like a child who eats an entire pack of Jolly Ranchers in one setting.

—I don’t like Dominic Rhodes one bit. He shows no heart.

—Jerome Bettis is beginning to look a lot like Ron Dayne these days!

—I don’t know that I’ve seen a better World Series than this one. I can’t say that I ever thought I’d be rooting for a team from Arizona, one of our nation’s most shitkicking states.

—On the other hand, I am glad that the West Wing cleaned up the Emmys. What a great show!

—I hope that no one rich picks up David Wells. I want to see him pitch poorly for a poor team this time.

—Once upon a time, a writer for The Chicago Maroon indicted baseball purists everywhere. But now, I ask you, where would we, as a nation, be without baseball purism? Looks like this paper better re-evaluate its stance!

—The Roots are mediocre rappers, propped up by a largely white college audience. Or as someone once put it: “[Lead Singer] Black Thought: neither, nor.”