ARTS

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May 30, 2003

Finalecuts, May sweeps revisited

Beverly Hills, 90210

Ok, so the 90210 thing kind of sucked. Actually, not even kind of. This is because it was a weird phony love-fest and, though I wished on all my eyelashes, not a new installment of the show. Instead everyone was... nice to one another. Tell me, what's the fun in that? Watching Gabrielle Carteris get teary-eyed about Jason Priestley's near-fatal car accident made me realize just how much I don't care. Like, car racing is very dangerous and not for just any former teen heartthrob off the street to try his hand at. You do not get my sympathy. And you have incredibly stubby fingers. Did you see how politic Luke Perry was when handing out his caresses, making sure that for every love pat he gave Shannon, Jennie got one too? This is obviously because Jennie still harbors bizarre resentment, as you could tell from the very, very weak hug she gave Brenda, who, despite getting no clips, dominated with no fear of retribution. Even though the show itself was lackluster, she remains a rock star.

-WP

Dawson's Creek

Everyone I've talked to cried at Dawson's Creek. I thought it blew. But I still cried. Very, very little, but a tear nonetheless. My issues with the show are numerous. One, Jack is not a homosexual. And by that I mean Kerr Smith is either so obviously not gay, or such a bad actor that Jack exudes zero sexuality, gay or straight. He also whines a whole lot, overshadowing any happiness I might feel for him and Pacey's brother. Two, dead or alive, Jen just sucks, which limited the sadness I could feel when she did in fact die. Three, I think Joey and Dawson should have ended up together, though I recognize this is both a personal preference and wrong, on some kind of objective Dawson's Creek scale. Basically, the show ended with the protagonist, granted a super-sucky one, alone, getting his rocks off because of a meeting with Steven Spielberg. If you can convince yourself this is a happy ending, you are engaged in self-deception, unless the reason for your happiness was Dawson's unhappiness--in which case, good call. Four, making fun of yourself in a self-referential way does not excuse you from sucking a whole lot. Therefore, Dawson's Creek still sucks a whole lot.

-WP

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The fact that Buffy is over still hasn't quite sunk in yet, but after a series finale like that I think I'll be fine. I mean, it was awesome. Not only did they pull seven years of "mythology" together in one episode (unlike, say, The X-Files) but they ended the show in a distinctly different place from where it began. Even if Joss Whedon wanted to make a spin-off Slayer: the Next Generation series he wouldn't be able to just re-do old Buffy episodes, since the finale changed everything in a drastic, pretty unexpected, and very "empowering" way. Plus, they made some really funny jokes. And Eliza Dushku was in it. I love Eliza Dushku. She's the reason I work at this paper.

-GJ

American Idol

I woke up sad Thursday morning. Dejectedly, I went through the motions of my day before I realized what was bringing me down: I had lost American Idol the night before. Wait, not me, Clay. But really? It was me. Clay is the nerd-turned-heartthrob, providing hope for, as one fan put it, "skinny white guys everywhere." Unfortunately, my beloved special education major narrowly lost the competition to the warbling Ruben, whose fans were more willing to listen to busy signals for three hours. I myself voted once (read: dialed 20 times), but I couldn't make up for the 1,300 extra votes from Alabama. Is that where Ruben's from? I think it is. The producers of the show sort of ruined the intensity when they promised both finalists solo albums--we knew that would happen, but couldn't we have maintained the idea that winning this show actually meant something? Anyway, the excruciatingly repetitive clip show was barely worth sitting through, and the not-at-all exciting conclusion was a shoddy second place to the emotional thrill-fest of last summer.

-ML