February 26, 2008

A more youthful McCain

[img id="80366" align="alignleft"] Watch out, Washington. Beware, Barack. A new political force is gathering strength, picking up speed, and fueling the Straight Talk Express. Ravishing and Republican, pert and patriotic, this scion of sunny Arizona is ready to remake politics as we know it.

Just who is this guru of governance? McCain. Meghan McCain.

That’s right, America. It’s time to replace the politics of hope with the politics of hot. Just 23 years old, Meghan is a recent graduate of Columbia University with blond hair and bright eyes that shine behind aviator sunglasses.

Months ago none of the so-called pundits gave her a chance. They didn’t even know her name. Giuliani’s children stole the headlines and Chelsea lay waiting in the wings. But Meghan never wavered, never worried, never doubted. She knew she had something more powerful than the press and more important than ideology: She had a blog.

In the coming months, Meghan proceeded to exploit the untapped potential of candid pictures, journal entries, and music playlists to help secure the Republican nomination for her father.

From the start, Meghan’s innovative new website—McCainBlogette.com—provided a behind-the-scenes peak at the political process and engaged Americans on issues normally ignored by mainstream candidates. Instead of health care, she discoursed on high heels. Rather than ramble about security, she wrote eloquently about style.

And the good people of the United States responded, propelling her father to victory on Super Tuesday and flooding her inbox with fan mail.

Here are a few choice examples:

Alycia Costa from Flower Mound, TX writes:

“I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog! It keeps me updated where you all are at and I love reading your extra little tid bits from the campaign trail. I feel like I am right there with you guys. Plus, it is fantastic how you have the playlists and songs of the day. It is my fav part. Keep it up!!! I can’t wait to hear more. Love you and I am so excited to vote this year.”

Word. To say nothing of the videos.

Kristin from Dallas, TX writes:

“Your blog totally rocks. After going through your blog, reading your commentary, noticing your fashion and music choice, you will be by far the COOLEST First Kid who has ever rocked the White House!”

I couldn’t agree more. It makes me sick to think how Chelsea squandered her teenage years on Pennsylvania Avenue.

Colleen from Weymouth, MA writes:

“Hey Meghan, I think it is very cool how u stay professional but still continue to stay stylish and like everyone else. U r a great role model for girls my age. PS... I felt bad when I saw that u broke your heel at that party!”

As this e-mail proves, Meghan’s blog appeals to a previously untapped, and unknown, voting bloc—the Republican ditz.

Whether Meghan will vote for her father, however, remains to be seen. Like every other “young person” in the United States, she seems smitten with Barack Obama. In an exclusive interview with MTV, she compared Daddy McCain with the junior Senator from Illinois: “I know he’s not as sexy as Obama and interesting and young and fresh,” she said. “But I definitely still think he has an appeal. It’s not important to him [to be sexy]. I think Obama’s cute, so...I see why people are, just on a very superficial level, drawn to him.”

Zach Werner is a fourth-year in the College majoring in Fundamentals: Issues and Texts.

Speaking of superficial, I would hate for this column to be perceived as insincere or glib. In this age of political dynasties, it’s more important than ever for us to analyze every member of a candidate’s family. There’s just no telling who might run for office next!

When it comes to serving as a source of amusement, the Bush twins will be a tough act to follow, and as a result, Americans must be willing to ask an important question with serious ramifications for daily life: Who is more likely to provide fodder for the tabloids? Meg, or the good-as-gold Obama girls?

Yeah, I thought so.

At this point, I hope the virtues of this vixen, I mean, uhh, the McCain presidency, are readily apparent. If not, check out the blog—Meghan and her playlists will persuade you.