May 8, 2009

Scav Hunt: Food and fetishes

223. Free the exquisite art of kyaraben from years of slavery to the Sanrio regime. Forget "too cute to eat" - send me to school with a bento depicting something so gut-wrenchingly horrifying that I may never want to eat again. [14 points]

224. Six word erotica. [6 points]

225. Put your insides on your outsides with a series of epidermal anatomical diagrams. [One major organ system per team member, 10 points per system depicted, 5 bonus points if a pregnant woman models the reproductive system.]

At first, first-year and Dinosaurmageddon (read: Max Palevsky) page captain Hannah Provenza thought Chuthlu, a monster created by author H.P. Lovecraft's (described by Wikipedia as "A pulpy, tentacled head surmounted a grotesque scaly body with rudimentary wings") would be gross enough for clue #223. "Someone pointed out that it might have been too easy to make it look cute," Provenza said.

After consulting bento hobbiest and first-year Carolyn Bolger, the two Scavvies settled on something far more "gut-wrenchingly horrifying" - a bento box of the internet shock video, Two Girls One Cup, a mock-pornography video that involves feces.

Will the judges eat this bento? "I have no idea," Provenza said.

In the meantime, the Scavvies plan to subsist on the free energy drink Venom, which has been passed out on campus for the last week as a promotional gimmick for the beverage, which boasts of its poisonous qualities, apparently a developing cuisine trend on the U of C campus.

"I don't know if anybody is actually drinking this stuff, but we have like 40 bottles of in anticipation [of needing the energy spike]," said Provenza.

She has posted a sheet of paper at headquarters to collect words and phrases for clue #224. She's also looking for 11 nearly nudists willing to strip down to very little in the name of science - their whole bodies will be drawn on with Crayola Markers to depict internal organ systems to fulfill clue #225.

"I happen to have a very erotic page," Provenza said.