June 4, 2013

Top 5: Five fashion flops to avoid at all costs

Courtesy of Chicago Magazine

1. Flip-flops

For all that I’m looking forward to about summer, fashion is not near the top of the list. While I can appreciate the simplicity and lightness of summer style as much as anyone else, I’m accepting the fact that I’m in for three months of skimpy dresses, bro tanks, and visible feet. Every day I’ll be confronted by masses who take the carefree quality of summer attire to the extreme of just plain sloppiness and looking forward to the fall when people start to wear coats again. I know the hordes of flip-flop devotees will probably stop reading right here, but I’ll never understand the ubiquity of these impractical shoes, which are the touchstone of summer slobbery. I know enough people who have tumbled down stairs wearing flip-flops because of the mere fact that they don’t naturally move in unison with the foot. Simple T-strap sandals give your feet just as much air and will actually stay on, all while looking infinitely more polished.

2. Too-high-cut denim shorts

Remember when those denim cutoffs that were so short that the pockets stuck out from the bottom were all the rage a few years ago? It seems we have now moved on to an equally dreadful variation on denim shorts, which is the cheeky high-waisted variety. I think people have been attracted to these shorts because they think that there’s something “vintage” about them, but looking vaguely artsy does not change the fact that you’re wearing denim underwear. Would it kill you to add an extra inch to your inseam?

3. Sheer clothing with bright undergarments

I do sympathize that when it’s 98 degrees, I don’t particularly care what I look like while I’m trying to get from air-conditioned Point A to air-conditioned Point B. No one can be told to wear more clothing in these conditions. While I love sheer clothing because I think it’s beautifully airy, one summer trend that I just can’t comprehend is the need to pair these items with lingerie that doesn’t match. A white sheer blouse with a glaring red bra underneath screams for attention, and destroys what should be a delicate effect. Undergarments closer to skin tone or the color of the clothing piece are better suited for this.

4. Crop tops…

…don’t work for everyone. Please accept this and move on.

5. And for men: critter shorts

This last one I’m torn on, mostly because they’re adorable on boys under the age of 10. Besides that, I can appreciate critter shorts when worn with a healthy dose of irony, but from my New England vacations, I can say that most men are not trying to be funny when they wear these. I can’t take any guy seriously who chooses to sport an embroidered whale motif to dinner, but hey, maybe it’s just me.