Dating is hard. True: The U of C isn’t where fun comes to die, more than just your GPA will willingly go down on you here, and there are some people that are more attractive than the squirrels—but these things don’t promise much. This article will give you some basic, common sense advice, but it won’t get you laid (or whatever it is you’re after). That said, there are a few things to keep in mind that might help you.

You will meet a lot of people during O-Week. You will meet a lot of people in your house. Don’t date them. Honestly, it will be awkward and pointless and probably keep you from making more friends. But if you feel you really must engage in house–cest, as we call it, it doesn’t have to be the worst thing in the world. Just please don’t make out at house meetings (or have sex in the communal shower).

Another place where you can find future bad memories is in your classes. Mostly first-year classes like Hum, Sosc, Core Bio, and even that grueling Arabic class you have every morning, lump a bunch of starry-eyed and horny-minded first-years into a room for a few months and let the magic happen. While you can get to know someone fairly well over the course of 10 weeks, beware if things go awry: You do still have to see them for the rest of the quarter (or, God forbid, even longer).

And then there are frats. Honestly it can be pretty fun to engage in the most quintessential of college experiences, if even for a night or two, but you will probably not find love here. The most you can hope for is a sloppy hook-up with someone you may or may not have known before the night started. Not to say that’s not the way to go, but just be aware of what you can expect. This also seems like a good place to mention safe sex practices: For birth control and STD test info see the facing page.

Of all your too-rigidly defined options here (because how else could we tackle this subject?), extracurricular activities is one of the stronger ways to go. There are countless venues for your engagement, creativity, and time, and what better place to find someone than in an RSO or club that you’re both invested in? Sure, clique-cest can get a little dicey (try not to date all of the UT actors or women’s lacrosse team), but don’t rule out the possibility on those grounds.

If all these options seem a little bleak, that’s because they are. Life is bleak.