The University of Chicago’s Independent Student Newspaper since 1892

Chicago Maroon

The University of Chicago’s Independent Student Newspaper since 1892

Chicago Maroon

The University of Chicago’s Independent Student Newspaper since 1892

Chicago Maroon

SG elections: The exit polls

The [probably rigged] online voting doesn’t end for another 50 minutes or so, but we’re already heari

The [probably rigged] online voting doesn’t end for another 50 minutes or so, but we’re already hearing some interesting reports from our sources in the field: In the end, we think it’ll come down to whoever can carry the youth vote, which makes up roughly 99-percent of eligible voters (excepting, of course, Brad Sugarman).Anyway, with zero-percent of precincts reporting, we’re projecting Mike Gravel to be the Student Government president. It’s compulsory to mention that exit polls are incredibly unreliable, but I’m pretty certain about this one. Anyway, full team coverage on this in tomorrow’s Maroon. And, yes, that was all just an excuse to post this work of art:Everyone knows that George Washington crossed the Delaware to defeat the Germans, but what most people don’t know is that two days earlier, Mike Gravel attempted the exact same surprise attack. His boat capsized, killing everyone inside, with the exception of Gravel, who swam to safety and lived for days on little more than wild berries and whatever rodents he could find. To this day, he is repulsed by the sight of running water and as a result he’s an adamant proponent of hydroelectric dams. THE END.

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