If you were thinking of bearing Senor Chang’s child, don’t. He is crazy! He is chasing his own backpack, while it is on his back! He thinks being a father means looking like a 75-year-old ornithologist!

Here is some background. Chang had sex with Shirley while she was rabid and sort of unconscious. It was very romantic. Now Shirley is pregnant. The baby might be Chang’s, and it might be Shirley’s husband’s. Shirley’s husband is going to help her raise the child regardless, but Chang is having all kinds of fatherhood angst. He is also living in Jeff’s apartment, and it’s not going well. “I’m tired of confiscating saws,” says Jeff—a feeling we all can relate to.

Shirley’s lawyer draws up a document for Chang to sign that says “I waive all my paternity rights” (and probably some other stuff too—it’s like 200 pages). Shirley asks Jeff to get Chang to sign it, but instead Jeff tells Chang that if he moves out of Jeff’s apartment, Shirley will let him be part of his child’s life.

Chang immediately starts trying to be a good father, not by moving out, but by wearing cardigans and smoking a pipe that he stole from the 1800s. Chang gets extra fatherly when he kidnaps a stranger’s kids, brings them to Jeff’s apartment, and starts teaching them Spanish. That’s what fatherhood is all about: educating kids you have kidnapped.

By the end of the episode no one is in jail, though—not even Luka, Troy and Abed’s new friend. Britta thinks Luka is cute, but Troy and Abed are like, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS/date him.” Britta has dated their friends before, and she always tells them some deal-breaking sex detail that ruins the friendship.

Britta sings Luka a sexy song, though—“Hit me with your genie’s bottle, rub it all over me!”—and soon she and Luka are making out. Then Luka, who is from the Balkans, is all, “Hey, also—I am perpetrator of genocide!” Britta is disturbed, but doesn’t want to tell Troy and Abed directly. Instead, she tries to convince them Luka stole Abed’s DVD. It doesn’t work, but Troy and Abed eventually figure out the truth, and there’s a nice little moment at the end where they thank Britta for pointing out how genocidal their friend was, and tell her she doesn’t necessarily ruin everything. Britta immediately ruins the movie Catfish for both of them.