1 – “If U Seek Amy”
Britney Spears
Oh, Britney. It's a shame to put you on this list, but this song really is terrible. It loosely revolves around the hokey premise that the phrase “If you seek Amy” sounds kind of like “F.U.C.K me.” How clever! But that's really all the song has going for it. The actual lyrics don't make much sense (“All the boys and all the girls are begging to if you seek Amy”), and Britney's voice is so amped up and auto-tuned that it starts to sound grating quickly. Of course, that doesn't stop me from singing along and basking in its bawdy, nonsensical glory. It's Britney, bitch. How can I not love it?
2 – “Blame It”
Jamie Foxx
What, exactly, should I be blaming on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol? Well, I suppose the fact that Jamie Foxx got some girl drunk enough to lower her inhibitions and have sex with him. With lyrics like, “Fill another cup up, feeling on your butt what/ You don't even care now, I was unaware/ How fine you was before,” the song makes anyone who sings along sound like a total creep. Plus, if you disregard the chorus, the minimal, repetitive beats make for a rather boring four minutes. Damn, though, that chorus is catchy.
3 – “I'm On a Boat”
The Lonely Island
It's easy to forget that The Lonely Island is a novelty band, more akin to Weird Al than the All-American Rejects. This hip-hop parody is almost too well done. People play it at parties right next to the latest songs about going to the club and getting high/drunk/laid and probably don't think twice about it. Yet despite its auto-tuned and T-Pained veneer, this song is simply about being on a boat and how that's really awesome. There's nothing wrong with the fact that it's funny and off-color, but really, telling people you love this song is like admitting you enjoy listening to “Amish Paradise,” and who's actually willing to admit that?
4 – “Don't Trust Me”
3OH!3
The lyrics are tasteless (Helen Keller, really?), and the lead singer's croaky, throaty voice combined with the chorus's nearly off-key falsetto are by no means easy on the ears. Not to mention that the song is almost painfully repetitive. Basically, it has no redeeming qualities. But, like Twilight or Sarah Palin, there's something charming about its idiocy. The song is mysteriously attractive, and there's no denying that it's fun to dance to.
5 – “Party in the USA”
Miley Cyrus
The only problem with this song is that it's by Miley Cyrus. Besides that, it's utter pop brilliance; There are abundant hooks, name droppings, and even dancing instructions (nodding one's head, moving one's hips). The fact still remains that this is a song by a Disney star, and not just any star—it's Hannah Montana, the ruling Disney queen. And it is on this basis alone that anyone over the age of 13 should—and probably does—feel ashamed for loving this song.
