NEWS

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April 25, 2008

Foul balls

Dave Barry notes with disdain the "creeping fascism" of the Florida state legislature in attempting to ban drivers from hanging fake bull testicles on their pickup trucks.While I appreciate the concern, his sentiment is problematic for a number of reasons. Without delving too deeply into Biology, a subject which I know absolutely nothing about, I think it's important to point out the ill effects that result from an excess of testosterone. Presumably, the purchase of a pickup truck is in itself a sizable testosterone boost—adding a set of swinging cajones to the trailer hitch, therefore, would have dangerous side-effects on the driver including (but not limited to), low sex drive, violent mood swings, and severe shrinkage.Unlike baseball, where there's at least the prospect of improved 0n-field performance, truck steroids (and let's face it, that's what these are) are at best a nuisance to the other drivers on the road, at worst a serious health risk to the owner of the vehicle. The legislature would do well to take swift action in this regard.