As I watched the Oscars two weeks ago, I realized a few things. One: I am one fortunate little bastard. Seriously, though, I am way too lucky in life. I just spent an incredible vacation skiing in the Canadian Rockies with good friends and good beer, a Polish cook, a Jacuzzi, and plush 70s shag...

I have been extremely unfulfilled lately. Is it because I haven’t had a girlfriend (sane or otherwise) in six months and no girls seem willing to remedy that situation? Probably. Is it due to the fact that there seems to be more than one heinous pimple growing on my ass? More than likely. Is it...