Don’t get too excited

By Zack Hill / September 22, 2008

I think it's safe to say that a major part of life at the University of Chicago is disappointment.

Finding common ground

By Zack Hill / May 23, 2008

Spring quarter of your fourth year brings some mixed emotions. There’s the panic of realizing that grades are due early, meaning you should probably start working on that massive research paper. There’s also the worry of not getting enough tickets to cover the 35 relatives who want to see you graduate. Worst of all, there’s...

Four more years

By Zack Hill / May 8, 2008

[img id=”80582″ align=”alignleft”] Sometime during your fourth year, you’re bound to have The Conversation. One day you’re walking to campus, thinking about the latest bit of Plato that you’ve read (or, given that you’re a fourth-year, wondering what time the Pub opens). And then you run into an acquaintance—perhaps some old suitemate from your days...

Three blind Moose

By Zack Hill / April 25, 2008

[img id=”80532″ align=”alignleft”] Sitting through Monday’s interminable Student Government (SG) debate, I couldn’t help but think of the things I’d rather be doing with my time: watching TV, doing homework, gnawing off a limb. The debate was excruciating for the same reason it always is—the Moose Party once again proved that if you like your...

88 Minutes never lasted so long

By Zack Hill / April 18, 2008

[img id=”80495″ align=”alignleft”] The new Al Pacino thriller 88 Minutes makes one wonder what motivated those involved with this boring, unnecessary film. Pacino’s reason was presumably inspired by a very relatable problem: He needed a few million dollars to buy a new mansion. Perhaps the director, Jon Avnet (Fried Green Tomatoes), wanted a new boat...

Bringing down the house

By Zack Hill / April 11, 2008

[img id=”80465″ align=”alignleft”] May 1, also known as May Day, brings with it a set of familiar rituals: All across the world, people hold parades celebrating how fantastic socialism is (excepting, of course, every instance where it’s actually been implemented); Americans, having renamed the occasion Loyalty Day, embrace their love of Orwellian holiday names; and...

After Goolsbee-gate, should we invade Canada? Hold off, for now

By Zack Hill / March 10, 2008

[img id=”80438″ align=”alignleft”] Oh Canada, say it isn’t so! All of North America is in turmoil over the revelation that a Canadian bureaucrat told the press that Barack Obama is a politician who sometimes says things he doesn’t mean. The controversy began when Barack Obama sent his senior economic adviser to explain to the Canadians...

Land before time schedules

By Zack Hill / February 29, 2008

[img id=”80384″ align=”alignleft”] This winter, U of C students’ discontent has been particularly oppressive. Battling through fierce weather, we’ve slipped and slid our way to class every morning. Even worse, space-time recently collapsed in on itself: Midterms, papers, lab reports, and other graded assignments blurred together into one giant, indecipherable mass, and then time dramatically...

Don’t bench creativity

By Zack Hill / February 19, 2008

[img id=”80333″ align=”alignleft”] I don’t see what’s wrong with building a bench. As a student at the University of Chicago, I expected my class to contribute money toward a concrete legacy to leave as our class gift—Some firm structure, emblazoned with “Class of 2008,” so that for years to come, U of C students could...

Jumper a hop, skip away from disaster

By Zack Hill / February 19, 2008

[img id=”80315″ align=”alignleft”] For one fleeting scene, Jumper reaches glory. Near the end of the new film from Doug Liman, director of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, a knife-wielding Samuel L. Jackson corners Hayden Christensen. Suddenly, the entire movie makes sense, and the preceding 60 or so execrable minutes are forgiven. It is clear that this...

Taking the “work” out of “workout”

By Zack Hill / February 1, 2008

I used to hate working out. I dreaded the prospect of going to the gym, despised the act itself, and found that the famed “endorphins” did nothing but leave me sweaty, sore, smelly, and wondering why I’d just spent an hour of my life pretending to ride a bike. Because of this hatred, my goal...

When life gives you hurdles, remember the turtles

By Zack Hill / January 18, 2008

I spent much of my youth pretending to be a Ninja Turtle. Along with several friends (including one girl, who was rather cruelly forced to be my friend), I defended my neighborhood from the dastardly Shredder and the dangers of Ooze. Even at a young age, I knew that I would never become a Ninja...

Bored of trustees? Give us a vote

By Zack Hill / November 27, 2007

Earlier this month, the Social Justice Coalition (SJC), which comprises over 30 student groups, presented the administration with several proposals on improving the University of Chicago in areas such as financial aid and sustainability. (Apparently, the activists wanted a break from bragging about how little they understand economics.) The most substantial proposal would add two...

Post-grad odyssey offers new hope

By Zack Hill / November 9, 2007

As a fourth-year, you come to realize several important truths: a) You’re graduating in several months, b) you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing with your life, and c) that schmuck who wore a business suit every day to Sosc has a job lined up at Credit Suisse and will be making $300,000 next...

In spite of his honesty, Paul is wrong for President

By Zack Hill / October 26, 2007

Don’t Google Ron Paul. Despite what the obnoxious student campaign insists (with its ubiquitous “Google Ron Paul” posters and chalkings that, to me at least, imply something fantastic is going to happen when you perform said Googling), your Google time is much better spent finding out if anyone with your name is more famous than...

Young, restless, and woefully awkward

By Zack Hill / October 12, 2007

Finished with their ill-advised, drug-fueled “O-Mances” (O-Week romances), first-years are troubled once again by a question that has long plagued University of Chicago students. They naïvely thought they had solved it in high school, yet it now rears its ugly head. For many people here, it becomes The Question, and for many U of C...

Drowning in a sea of red tape

By Zack Hill / October 2, 2007

I find it odd that my landlord company (let’s call them Landlord X) can claim to be involved in “Property Management.” Aren’t there laws against false advertising? Sure, “Mismanagement of Property, Destroyer of Lives, and Devourer of Worlds” may be unwieldy, but it is far more accurate than the otherwise reassuring “Property Management.” My saga...

Don’t get too excited

By Zack Hill / September 19, 2007

Exuberance becomes apathy. Hours happily spent at the library become hours spent half-consciously browsing YouTube. Admiration of your fellow students becomes envy, which in turn becomes hatred. Your well maintained and regulated diet becomes an unfortunate—though admittedly delicious—mixture of breakfast cereal and Otis Spunkmeyer cookies. I am, of course, speaking of the transformation that most...

What America has to learn from Europeans

By Zack Hill / May 22, 2007

What do America and Europe have to learn from each other? Only a supremely smug, self-important pedant prone to ridiculous generalizations could pretend to answer that question in 750 words, and Thomas Friedman was unfortunately unavailable. Luckily, I also fit the bill—after all, I am a University of Chicago student. In addition, based on the...

Studying abroad? Be sure to bring American ethnocentrism with you.

By Zack Hill / April 24, 2007

I was sort of worried before I left to study in Paris this spring. How was an American supposed to behave in Europe? I had mastered the proper attitude for a New Yorker in Chicago (for every venue, restaurant, event, and personality in Chicago, frequently remind your friends that several vastly superior counterparts can be...

Did the University make the right decision by not divesting from Sudan: University wrong on divestment

By Zack Hill / February 13, 2007

Finding being secretive and important too time-consuming, the University of Chicago Board of Trustees recently sent Punching Bag, er, President Robert Zimmer, to answer questions about the Board’s decision not to divest from Sudan. Predictably, the nattering nabobs of negativity that make up this campus spent most of the forum criticizing the President and the...

To all of you who use your laptops in class

By Zack Hill / January 12, 2007

Despite your best attempts at annoyingly distracting others from class, which have included causing chaos in the peripheral vision of those sitting around you; typing unnecessarily loudly; and presenting sexually explicit IM conversations, interesting websites, and playful games of Starcraft too irresistible for any one nearby to avoid gazing at, you are failing to be...

Save the U of C’s soul: Save the Uncommon Application

By Zack Hill / November 17, 2006

Reading the Maroon news article “U of C courts Common App” and the staff editorial “Easily applying the Uncommon way” left me with a sick feeling in my stomach. The article, which discusses President Robert Zimmer’s push for a switch to the Common Application, and the editorial, which supports the change (as long as, it...