Uncle Sugar vs. Maple Sugar

By Tim Murphy

It’s been a while since the U.S. and Canada have locked horns militarily. Back before his name was synonymous with treason (and eggs), Benedict Arnold led an assault on Quebec in 1775, and another attempted invasion in 1812 was (obviously) unsuccessful. For the most part, however, we’ve been at peace with our neighbors to the North—all of which made last week’s NAFTA flap so compelling. Could this be the spark that finally pushes the U.S. back over the edge? Will we sit back and do nothing while our so-called ally pushes us around?We attempt to answer such pressing questions in today’s Maroon. Alec comes to the defense of his idol, Austan Goolsbee, and issues an ultimatum to the Tories. Zack, meanwhile, argues that Canada’s crimes, while reprehensible, are a necessary evil.My take? Any prolonged conflict north of the border would overstretch our military and be a drain on resources (which, in the wake of Spitzer-gate, will be measured on the diamond scale). Despite what War Plan Red says, it would be anything but a walk in the park—If you thought Stalingrad was a tough fight, imagine spending Christmas in Winnipeg. Perhaps a short bombing campaign could do the trick, or maybe we could persuade Rick Moranis to accept American citizenship.