Hardcore Curriculum—10/20/2009

Bromance and casual sex

By Anna Boyle and Chris Chavez

What do I do if the boy I want to ask out is very committed to his (non-sexy) bromance?

Anna: The bromance is a relationship that has existed since the dawn of time, but it has never gotten in the way between a bro and his love interest. If there is one true rule of bro-dom it is this this: Never cockblock. Your love interest will make sure his bro doesn’t get in the way if he really wants to be with you. The thing is, if he’s just not that into you, he’ll make it clear that his bromance (and the possibilities of a wingman that come with it) is all he needs. The time spent with Natty Ice, Xbox, and no homo will be enough to keep him warm on those cold and lonely nights. If your love interest is still overly committed to his bromance after you make your move, drop it.

Chris: While the bro-code does say that you should never cock-block your bro, the true Rule Number One of the bro-dom is “Bros before hos.” Everybody likes having a best friend separately from their girl/boyfriend, and if the best friend and significant other can’t or won’t get along, then it makes for a very uncomfortable situation. If your love interest is really as committed to his bromance as you say, then make good with his better man-half. This doesn’t mean the two of you have to be BFFs. But there is no faster way to lose a man than to diss his bro. Also, you may just have to consider that your boy just doesn’t want to be in a relationship and wants his best bro to play wingman as he plays the field. If you and your boy interest actually hook up, remember that you are not just getting a fun new sex buddy, you are also inheriting his boys. So, at least attempt to get along. But the moment you two start competing for the attention, your relationship with your boy and his friends needs to be reevaluated.

Is it okay to sleep over after casual sex? When?

Anna: Personally, I believe that walks of shame should be made at night, when the sun won’t be in your eyes and people won’t see your sex hair. Because of this wish to keep my dignity intact (there is nothing that makes me more ashamed than walking home in the same clothes I was wearing the night before), I believe that you should sleep over if and only if a) you have been sexiled by your roommate or b) you have lost your keys and cannot get into your building. Even then, I would still try to phone a friend in order to high-tail it out of there. Casual sex is just that: sex. Don’t make it into something else.

Chris: Well, I guess it depends on how casual the sex actually is. If this is a one-night stand with someone you just met, it’s better to haul ass, and the quicker the better. If you just slept with someone that you kind of know, like some kid in your Hum class or a friend of a friend, then it depends on how close you are to that person, but you most likely need to get out of there, unless you are too drunk or ashamed to move that quickly. The only situation I can think of where sleeping over after casual sex is truly OK is if the person you are sleeping with is a friend with benefits. Of course, there are always exceptions. If you just did the horizontal tango with someone that you are actually interested in…well, don’t be a creeper, but sleeping over afterward could give a nice, intimate flavor to your post-coital activities. Come one, let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to sleep and cuddle right after sex?

If you have a question about sex and relationships, submit it anonymously to Anna and Chris. Just click here!