Things that are bullshit

Tired, hot, and smelly in Hyde Park.

By Jenny Lee

Among other things, one of my resolutions for 2014 was to complain less frequently. Considering I broke most of my other resolutions, I see no reason to uphold this one. Here’s a list of things that are absolute bullshit.

There is no air conditioning in the dorms. 

According to the front desk ladies of UChicago, the policy for turning on A/C in the dorms is that either it be May 31 or the 10-day forecast must never reach a low of 55 degrees. If, in a humid 95-degree week of agony, there is one day with a low of 54 degrees, we do not get A/C. I have resorted to pressing my face against my open window. On the bright side, I’m unable to cry because the heat has caused such severe dehydration.

We are still in school. 

Save your why-did-you-apply-to-a-quarter-system-school comments because I promise I Wikipedia’d this school before I sent in the $65,000 check. I’m more complaining about why UChicago employs a quarter system in the first place or, at the very least, doesn’t follow Dartmouth’s quarter system. The one with a huge winter break and the “Sophomore Summer” that I’m super jealous of and without the sitting in the library while it’s beautiful outside. Their academic calendar also doesn’t completely screw them over for internships. As someone who is desperately trying to find a sublease in D.C. for the random dates of mid-June ‘til the end of August, I yearn for reasonable calendar planning. I’m not tryin’ to be homeless for 10 weeks.

D.C. living costs. 

Straight up unbelievable. Like, sorry for being from nowhere, Kentucky, but wtf. Do people actually live in a city where they have to pay $2,000 monthly to have a place to piss and sleep? Most/all of the money I’m getting for my internship is going straight to rent, so I’ll be losing money working full-time this summer. Could the Institute of Politics/Metcalf office work on affordable housing for interns in other cities? Thanks for the opportunities and all, but at this point, it looks like I’m gonna be homeless for 10 weeks.

My Clothes are Dirty

I can’t do my laundry. Remember that first Viewpoints article I wrote where I crawled back to on-campus housing and begged it to take me back? Feel free to forget it, because I don’t want this orange and pink building in my life anymore. For two weeks now, there has been one working washing machine and two working dryers. There are, like, 200 of us. We could do our laundry in the neighboring dorm, I guess, but that one is also half broken and only coin operated. Also, I want people to write UChicago Crushes about me and that can’t happen if I smell gross. Clearly this, as well as all of my other points, is a first-world problem, but I’m for real upset that the laundry machines have eaten, like, three dollars from me. That is a full meal at Harold’s. It is 3:30 a.m. right now and I neeeeeeeed Harold’s.

There’s a lot more bullshit in the world, but I’m tired and hot and smelly and possibly homeless in the future, so I digress. Looking on the kind-of-bright side of things, at least  the camaraderie that comes with mutual suffering through school in June is enough to keep me going. Also, despite shattering most of them, there is one resolution I’ve managed to maintain: Thanks to exercise buddies I don’t deserve, I have been regularly going to the gym to achieve the hazy dream of a StairMaster-induced ass of steel.

Jenny Lee is a second-year in the College majoring in political science.