Hardcore Curriculum—11/10/09

How to talk and not talk about your sex life with both friends and family.

By Anna Boyle and Chris Chavez

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I just had a one-night stand with someone from my house, but I don’t want anybody to find out. What should I do?

Chris: You should talk to the person that you slept with and let him know that while you had an excellent roll in the hay, you don’t necessarily want everybody to know about it. Of course, if you just happened to sleep with somebody who likes to kiss and tell, then you need to keep it cool. At this point, there is almost nothing you can do. Just because people in the house know that you committed “housecest” doesn’t necessarily mean that they need to know the nitty-gritty details of your one-nighter. If anybody asks, just say, “None of your business.” Eventually people will tire of old gossip and move on. Just remember: Dorm walls are thin. If you’re going to do it with a housemate, keep it quiet and make sure you don’t have to sexile a roommate to do it. Be smart, be discreet, and don’t get it on with a screamer or a blabbermouth. The next time you are presented the chance to get down and dirty with a housemate, it might just be better to steer clear.

Anna: There’s always that “uh-oh” moment when you wake up next someone you don’t know after a night of random sex. The only thing worse than that is when you wake up next to someone you do know. Living with that person makes it just a bit worse, but there are ways to deal with this situation. Personally, I believe that if you leave someone’s room with some poise and grace, you can just forget the situation entirely. If there are no lingering feelings on the other person’s part (which would be apparent within hours of your hook-up), just act normal around that person. You can ignore the fact that you’ve had sex. These things only become a big deal if you and your housemate get uncomfortable and start treating each other differently. There’s always a chance that your other housemates will find out about that night, but if you comport yourself well after the fact, it doesn’t need to be a point of shame, mockery, or general gossip.

I’ve been seeing someone, and I want to tell my family. How should I introduce my honey to my mama bear?

This is an important step in many college relationships and so we’ve decided to answer this question together and provide a small guide.

Planting the Idea

There comes a time in a relationship when you realize that your significant other is such an integral part of your life that you feel that you have to tell your family about him. Whether it’s sooner or later, you know that telling your family is going to invoke a myriad of questions about your beau.

Keeping that in mind, we feel that there are only two ways to tell your family about your significant other: dropping hints and the straightforward approach. The former makes the stream of questions (and even the chance of a potential introduction) come a lot more slowly, which could be good if you’re not a fan of confrontation. Also, if you have a set of parents that are overbearing (read: they love you, but will scrutinize everything about your beau), you might want to take this approach, since it will let them get used to the idea of a significant other over time.

The straightforward approach involves laying it all out at once, instead of slowly introducing the person as a friend, and then as your significant other. This approach is a lot less work, since you only have to explain yourself once, but it might come as a shock to your parents. Have your story pre-planned, and end it with a little compliment about how much your family means to you. While it may take a little work to tell your family about your honey, it will be worth it.

The Introduction

While introducing your special someone to your family is a big deal, you should be basking in the awesomeness of having found someone that you are willing to introduce to your family. If you have someone special in your life, your family should know it. That being said, if you haven’t even told your family that you are in a committed relationship, then you are already starting off on the wrong foot.

Of course, you want the first introduction to be just perfect. You should choose a relaxed and neutral venue for the introduction. While fancy restaurants and home visits are great, both venues can be a little bit intimidating for your beau. So, go for coffee or hit a quaint cafe. The chiller, the better. Also, remember that you should project a cool and confident appearance throughout the first meeting between your lover and your family. If you are stressed about the first introduction, then your significant other will be, too, and you don’t want to make the first meeting more nerve-wracking for them. Just remember, if your family loves you, how could they not love your better half?