Pete couldn’t make it tonight, so we did what we could with his notes. This is specifically not a case of Refrigerator Dear Diary, or Make Your Own Dear Diary. This is just an emergency kit, really. Nothing like the real thing of course. We cut some corners, but whatever. Just imagine there’s a picture of a cat with no ears or Kelly Holcomb or something.If anybody sees Pete, incidentally, call the office. As always, this one goes out to a young man who thinks he hasn’t seen anything good today.

[To the reader: Today’s Dear Diary doesn’t really transcend newsprint in the way most writing does: it is primarily an exercise in cut and paste, so there’s really no point in trying to recreate it digitally. We apologize for our metaphysical inhibitions, and urge those not in the distribution zone to please write Dear Diary c/o the Chicago Maroon, 1212 E. 59th St, Chicago, IL 60637 for a photocopied and autographed copy of today’s article.]