This week, 30 Rock is full of double-edged swords. Which is a weird thing to specify, because I have never heard of a single-edged sword. Double-edged swords include: dating yourself, success.

Success first. Tracy won his Oscar and is now successful. Everyone wants him to go to boring banquets and listen to short white ladies emote about his performance in Hard To Watch. He bought a magical chimpanzee, but it drowned. And someone wants him to do give the Cornell commencement address, a fact so upsetting he starts talking about himself in the third person: “Sorry, but Tracy Jordan doesn’t do safety schools!”

Liz’s double-edged sword is that she is dating someone like her—Carol. She and Carol are both stubborn or, as she puts it, “principled.” So when she is on a plane Carol is flying, and everyone is boarded and then the plane doesn’t take off for a long time (judging by the deterioration in Liz’s appearance, about fifteen years), she and Carol get in an unsolvable flight. Liz thinks they should go back to the terminal. Carol thinks he is a professional and Liz needs to leave him alone. To make the fight even worse, Carol has gotten fat (although no one actually mentions this). Eventually, they break up because Liz leads a passenger mutiny and Carol pulls a gun on her. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Jack is getting poked by the same double-edged sword in his relationship with Avery. They are very similar, which means in this episode that when Avery goes into labor in Canada, they both insist on going to the US immediately (instead of the nearest hospital) so their daughter will be born a US citizen. Then she can (and will!) be president. Also, who wants to be born in Canada? As Jack helpfully points out to a Canadian, “Your milk comes in bags. Bags!”

Jack and Avery end up trying to hitchhike across the border in a truck that is a meth lab, until Jack realizes it isn’t worth it and makes Avery go to a hospital. Their baby is born Canadian, but don’t worry; they will treat her “just like a human baby.”