NEWS

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December 8, 2007

Libby Dole 1, Hillary Clinton 0

As was mentioned earlier in the week, the discovery of dolekemp96.org has set off a flurry of activity at headquarters. It's like unearthing Tuthenkhamen or finding an Indian burial ground in your backyard--two things that have never happened to me. You must leave no stone unturned and take immense care not to tarnish anything. So it was with great care and dexterity (??) that I discovered Elizabeth Dole's recipe for "Pecan Roll Cookies."It's one of the few interactive features that still works on the site, and the only mention of Libby in campaign literature. Seriously. Centuries from now, the only surviving artifacts from this era in American history will likely be Dole's campaign site, this blog, and Sen. Robert Byrd (D-WV). Thus, Americans will know nothing about Mrs. Dole's distinguished career, her own presidential ambitions, or her time in the United States senate. Instead, they will be left with a recipe for clogged arteries and tooth decay.The recipe was clearly a jab at Hillary Clinton's decidely anti-cookie stance, and as such seems somewhat rushed. But as promised, we followed Libby's recipe, replacing pecans with pralines out of necessity, and margerine with butter because...have you had margerine? It was an uneventful affair, marred only by a lingering fear that the cookies, like Mr. and Mrs. Dole's respective candidacies, would crumble too quickly. In short, it was a success 11 years in the making.