NEWS

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February 4, 2007

Super Bowl Sunday

Here is my pick for the Super Bowl: Colts 61, Bears 59.I figured two, obscenely high prime numbers would best encapsulate the argument I made in the Maroon about why I can, in good conscience, root for the Bears tomorrow. Here is the strongest part of the argument I made:

This would all be well and good for me if I actually found any of the Bears likable. I have a thing for a scrappy underdogs who win games with smart and hard play, like the 2001 New England Patriots, who took down the absolutely stacked St. Louis Rams in the Super Bowl. But this team is really a poor man’s version of the Cincinnati Bengals. Tank Johnson’s penchant for keeping his house stocked with assault rifles or having a posse that is the target of major gang crime is not even the worst of it.Over the summer Bears cornerback Ricky Manning, Jr. was charged with assault when he beat a UCLA student unconscious in a Denny’s because the guy was working on his laptop. Manning thought this made him a nerd, and obviously nerds need to be bludgeoned to near death. (Note that if you are reading this article, that is what Manning and the entire Bears defense probably thinks about you; have fun rooting for that.)Of course, if the Bears had some sort of counterbalance to the absurd extracurricular activities of their defense, it would be one thing. A genius coach like Bill Walsh or Bill Belichick or a standup quarterback like Joe Montana or Donovan McNabb would all fit the bill. Lovie Smith might be a great coach, but he isn’t a Walsh or Belichick. More to the point, Grossman is not even in the same universe as a guy like Montana. Hell, Grossman is quickly turning into the signal-calling version of Randy Moss with his decision to start taking games when he doesn’t feel interested (like the Week 17 game against the Green Bay Packers).So, really, what is there left for people to root for? The Bears are nothing but a group of marginally talented selfish assholes. I’m having a hard time seeing why I should do anything more than root for their untimely demise, especially when they are only a Manning-meltdown away from becoming a Super Bowl champion.
I have to thank Tim Murphy, the Sports editor, for essentially letting me write a pointless rant against the Bears, but I definitely returned the favor by publishing this piece in Viewpoints.(Image courtesy of the fantastic bloggers at Kiss Me Suzy.)