March 4, 2014

The official Maroon Study Game™

As if you didn’t know how to study without guidance.

Ninth week brings with it the true dog days of the quarter, when the sweet, sweet freedom of spring break is so close, yet so far. The temptation to finish a series on Netflix or polish off a box of Girl Scout cookies grows increasingly strong as the quarter trudges through its final days. Why not try the Maroon Study Game™ to get you to the other side, and prepare you for finals along the way?

1. Do a problem on your P-set any time someone asks during a review session, “Is this going to be on the final?” (Finish your P-set if you are the asker.)

2. Get off of Facebook if someone in front of you is on Facebook; close your browser if someone’s on Buzzfeed.

3. Shut down your computer and go outside if someone in front of you is posting a Buzzfeed quiz result on Facebook.

4. Drop and memorize 20 French vocab words when you see someone passed out in one of the chairs in Harper.

5. Check your professors’ office hours every time someone coughs/sneezes in a quiet area in the Reg.

6. If someone glares at the offending cougher/sneezer, actually go to said office hours.

7. Meet a TA in Ex Libris if someone’s headphones come out of their laptop and their music blares in Crerar.

8. Do a chapter of reading every time you realize that your paper has no thesis.

9. Return to your paper every time you realize that your life has no thesis.

10.  Fill out a class evaluation for every Louis C.K. YouTube video you spot someone watching in Mansueto.

11. Form a study group every time your coffee break turns into an hour-long chat with a friend.

12. Bring your reading to Bar Night when you realize that hanging out on the A-Level does not count as socializing.

13. Get up and get dressed like the dignified human being you are when you wake up and it’s past 2 p.m.

14. Plan a trip to the Reg for every article of clothing you choose not to wear on your day at home.

15. Make it to Crerar if you choose not to wear pants.

16. Take a nap every time you’re unsure if you’re a human or a zombie.

17. Cancel your Reg room reservation when you realize you actually have class during reading period.

18. Start a study guide every time BartMart runs out of chips and ramen.

19. Review the counterarguments to your paper’s claim every time you catch someone dozing off in class.

20. Do some finger-strengthening and reflex-sharpening exercises in anticipation of Add/Drop during finals week every time someone talks about spring break.

21. Study every time you inhale.

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