It’s been a long two years since the Maroon Editorial Board wrote an article about what we’re thankful for. Did you miss us? Whether or not you’ve been patiently waiting for the day we made our grand return or just stumbled upon this article, we’re excited to share with you what we’re grateful for:

• Sidechat, for being UChicago’s true paper of record.

• The Reg’s slow internet connection. In the words of Khloe Kardashian, “What the fuck is up with your wifi? You have this big-ass [brutalist building] and you can’t afford a [good] wifi box out here???”

• To the continued closure of Botany Pond, for emblematizing UChicago students’ commitment to procrastination.

• The administration, for reducing our Lyft passes. This is exactly how we wanted to recover from the mortifying moniker of being “the biggest book worms” in the country.

• The resounding success of the bright orange pedestrian crossing flags. Because who doesn’t want free apartment décor?

• Agnes Callard, for providing the most entertaining dating drama on campus.

• Taylor Swift, for being the soundtrack of our office and for providing the second most entertaining dating drama on campus.

• Hamilton tickets from the Center of Leadership and Involvement. After all, rapping is our favorite form of civic engagement.

• Our various professors, for providing pleasant white noise while we work on articles and check Slack during class.

• ISAC, for finally joining us in the 21st century.

• Bartlett, for giving us at least one quarter without food poisoning.

• USG, for providing the drama of a contested election. At least you didn’t storm Reynolds Club.

• Iron Key Society, for teaching us how real phoenixes rise from the ashes—even when they really shouldn’t.

• Eric M. Heath, for modeling the maxim “better late than never.”

• The white noise of people coughing in the Reg.

• Every student consulting group, for overcrowding Pret with a “coffee chat” every hour.

• We also want to take a moment to acknowledge our fallen heroes from this past year: the COVID-19 dashboard, whose lack of updates is at least consistent with the University’s policy of unsteady communication; the Starbucks on 55th, for saving us from depleting our Metcalf stipends; UChicago crushes, for disappearing into the ether; Kimbark’s, for making all the good times flow; Julianne Sitch, for exiting on a high note; and our lost 4.0s, for teaching us that not all dreams can come true.

• Thanksgiving. Hope your nosy aunt hasn’t read the U.S. News & World Report rankings this year.

On a more serious note, …

• The reSTORE store, for not just providing our campus with brand-new pieces for our fall and winter fits, but also helping our campus community become more sustainable.

• The Careers in Journalism, Arts, and Media (JAM) and Ben Waltzer, for demonstrating to the wider University community that writing for newspapers is not only cool (we already knew that), but a viable, enriching, and fulfilling path through all the JAM programming this quarter.

• Our student baristas and Pret workers, keep the most caffeinated campus even more caffeinated. You’re truly some of the strongest soldiers at UChicago.

• The dining hall and library staff, for keeping us all sane.

• The soccer team, for winning the championship and showing that we can actually be good at varsity sports.

• While we wish Melina Hale had an iconic bike and mustache, we’re grateful for her interview with The Maroon at the start of the quarter.

• Our newest Maroon staff members, for composing our biggest incoming class. We’re excited about the talent they’ll bring to our paper, and you should be too!

That’s all folks! Happy Holidays and we’ll see you in the new year.

xoxo,

The Maroon Editorial Board