Hardcore Curriculum—3/2/2010

What to do when a friend’s boyfriend has a wandering eye, and how to let them down easy during spring break

By Anna Boyle

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What do you do if a friend’s boyfriend hits on you?

Chris: If your friend’s boyfriend is hitting on you, then the boy needs a wake-up call. He may be someone who is naturally inclined to flirt with any two-legged being. If his intentions aren’t that innocent, don’t be afraid to let him know that you are uncomfortable with his advances. Before you even do that though, you should definitely give your friend a heads-up about the situation. If he’s only turning on the charm when the girlfriend is out of the picture, then he’s probably not nearly as innocent as he pretends to be. Just remember that you should tell it like it is. Don’t blow the facts out of proportion. Otherwise, you may be getting yourself into a very sticky situation.

Anna: It’s a really tough situation when a friend’s man hits on you. You don’t want to encourage this kind of behavior, and, on top of that, it’s hard to know whether you should say anything to your friend. There are some questions to ask yourself in response to a situation like this one. What was his intention? Was he really trying to hook up with you, was he trying to get attention, or was he just joking around? If it was the former, you have an obligation to your friend to let her know. If it was either of the latter two reasons, then you need to talk to the boyfriend. You should discuss how his actions made you uncomfortable, and maybe, if you two are close enough, try to work through why he needs that kind of attention. If his poor behavior continues, talk to your friend about these indiscretions.

When is the best time during the quarter to break up with someone?

Anna: Breaking up with someone is terrible no matter what time of the quarter it is. I would say that it depends on the kind of person your future ex is. If he or she is the kind of person who gets really self-destructive, I wouldn’t break up with them early in the quarter, because they would have a lot of free time to get themselves into bad situations. If your soon-to-be ex is the kind of person who drops all their work when something bad happens to them, wait until after finals (because the end of midterms really doesn’t exist at this school). Are you two the kind of couple that does homework together? If so, you need to wait until either the end of the quarter or until the beginning of the next one to break it off. It would be both mean and rude, which is probably not your aim, to do so in the middle of the quarter. Now, if you were trying to be malicious, I would suggest that you break up with them the night before a major midterm. However, be aware that malicious breakups usually come back to bite you in the ass.

Chris: Anna is right when she says that there are a lot of different best-case scenarios for breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend. In general, I think there are only two questions you really need to think about to make the best decision. One: Did your boy/girlfriend do something really skeezy that made you want to break up with him/her? Two: While you are breaking up with your beau, do you still wish them the best? If your answer to number one is yes, than break up with them at your leisure. Who cares how it affects their life, academic or otherwise? If your answer to number two is yes, then you should think about being considerate. However, if you really need to end things, then you should just do it. You should only be concerned about what is best for your peace of mind: no more, no less.