Hardcore—October 13, 2009

Anna and Chris discuss Facebook relationship statuses and threesomes.

By Anna Boyle

This guy and I have been dating for about a month. I changed my Facebook status to “In a Relationship” but he hasn’t changed his. Should I be angry about this?

Anna: Everyone and their mom (literally at this point) has a Facebook, and it’s a great way to communicate the basic details of your life to everyone you know, and even those you don’t. That’s also the root of the problem of changing your relationship status. Everyone you know here may know about your relationship, but that’s because they live with you. Friends at home or even family may not know about your relationship, and your guy may not want to tell them about you just yet, or, you know, impersonally over the Internet. It’s understandable that you want him to change his status to “In a Relationship,” but I also don’t think that you should be angry with him for not changing it. He might just not care about his facebook status. Frankly, if you let something small like this affect your relationship, it may be you who’s changing your status soon.

Chris: For the most part, Anna is right. The Internet should not be the basis of how the two of you express your relationship to the outside world. The only thing that appears to be a serious cause for concern is that you two don’t really seem to agree on how serious your relationship really is, on Facebook or otherwise. Talk to him and ask him if he’s comfortable making your relationship that public. Anna is very right when she says everybody and their mother has a Facebook, which should be something to consider before changing your status. You need to make a few adjustments to your privacy settings before you start showering the Facebook world with your status change. That is, unless you want a lot of awkward and prodding comments. In the end, it really isn’t about Facebook at all, but about how you two mutually view each other.

My significant other brought up the idea of a threesome. I’m gradually warming up to the idea, but I’m afraid that it will change things for the worse in our relationship. Is there any way to do this without ruining our relationship?

Anna: Well, successful threesomes have been done before, but they are a difficult situation to maneuver. The most important thing in doing this is that both of you understand your reasoning behind it. Namely, you should make sure that you two are doing it purely for the experience and sexual gratification, not because you are tired of each other, or because someone has the hots for another person but doesn’t want to cheat. Regardless, you will obviously figure this out if you go through with it, and it may very well end your relationship. So, if you think that you both can find a person you find attractive but non-threatening and feel confident in your ability to share your partner, then go ahead! This could in fact help your relationship because you two will share a fun and rather uncommon experience. You will always remember that person as “the dude/chick who I had a threesome with,” which could be pretty cool.

Chris: You are definitely going about this situation the right way. It’s always better to think these things through and evaluate them from many different angles before you jump right into it. When it comes to the sexual side of relationships, your number one priority should always be yourself and what you are comfortable doing with your partner. If the idea of having someone else be privy to your sex life is something that you are uncomfortable with, no matter how theoretically fun it could be, you shouldn’t do it. If you do come to the realization that a little something (or someone) extra in the bedroom is both thrilling and non-threatening then you should definitely go searching for that third person. Before this, though, you and your partner need to discuss the ideal person to fool around with. General people to avoid for threesomes: clingers, blabbermouths, a close friend, a mutual friend, exes, and anyone significantly hotter than yourself. The last one is a joke. Mostly.