BASEBALL
Look, no matter how badly you want to invent sexual tension between Tatum O’Neal and Walter Matthau in The Bad News Bears, it’s not there. It’s not there. Let it go, Indiana.
UNREQUITED LOVE
The best kind in my opinion. Porque e-e-everything you want never lives up to your prerationalized expectations of what it should be. Except for money and precious gems. And possibly sex. But love is a battlefield. And on every battlefield there are deserters. And dying horses. And probably dead horses. And other horses mourning the dead and dying horses. And priest horses administering the last rites of the Horse-Catholic church to those dead and dying horses, some of whom are delirious. All of this can be traced back to that one scene in Return of the Jedi when the (apparent) one Ewok casualty of the “battle” of Endor is banished to Ewok Hades by one of the AT-ST walkers. El compañero de este Ewok está muy cansado porque el Ewok primero se murió. Hay muchas cosas que nuestros Ewoks to cry about. There are a lot of things to cry about everyday of my life, and frankly I don’t think that ever crossed your mind.
OTRA VEZ
An _______ to Miss or Mister ____ _____
I have _______ to say __ you YES that much is _____
But I ____ to buy you _____ in the hope THAT you will _____ with me
If you don’t _____ the _____ BUT still want to ______
I think you should _____ it anyway
I don’t ____ about your complexion
That means: Terrorists Win!
I don’t care if you drink the coffee or pour it into your ___ Scalding your ____
But I _____ about _____
Are you going to put my _____ in your ______?
Kirby Dar Dar
Kirby
Jiggly Puff
Sean Puffy Combs
Sean Bean
Beans
Black Beans
Refried Beans
Billy Beane(s)
Billy Goats
Regular Goats
Goat doctors
People doctors
People Magazine
The Nation
The Nation of Islam
The Nation of Domination
Dominatrices
Matrices
Mrs. Morton
Josef Tito
Franz Josef
Josef Stalin
Joseph Smith
Brigham Young
Steve Young
Young MC
Young Indiana Jones
Old Indiana Jones
Han Solo
Lando Calrissian
Bob Dylan
My dad
Your dad
Medical science
Creationism
Creation records
Hipsters
Pants
My pants
My faith
My Heaven
My Blue Heaven
Your Blue Heaven
My blue shirt
My moral compass
Terrorists Win!
Stonewall Jackson
Shoeless Joe Jackson
Joe Jackson
Jack Johnson
John Paul Jones
Indiana Jones
Gary, Indiana
Gary Condit
Sic transit gloria
You bet I will
Free Will by Rush
Roll the Bones by Rush
My bones
My body
My blood
My fingers
My nose
My boogers
My world
