What we’re thankful for

A few things to keep in mind this Thanksgiving.

By Maroon Editorial Board

On Thursday, someone is probably going to ask you to cite your thanks before digging into that turkey. Here are some things of which we’ll be thinking:

Thanksgiving break: Because you couldn’t go one more week without the puffy winter coat that you definitely did not think you’d need at the beginning of October.

Tornadoes: Hell not only freezes over; it blows.

Proof by contradiction: Because every math P-set is one. Start with the assumption that you will be able to finish it in the hour before class. You’ll find the contradiction arises quite naturally.

The life of the mind: Because nothing says that we’re a university that believes in education as an end in and of itself quite like the constant repetition that we’re a university that believes in education as an end in and of itself.

That kid in your Sosc class that always has something to say: Annoying as hell, but did you do the readings for today? Yeah, that’s what we thought.

The new Chipotle on East 53rd Street: Get to the end of the line and you might find yourself at Qdoba in Hutch.

Overcrowded dining halls: You might as well wait for a burrito from Chipotle.

Kuko: Makes the line worth the wait.

UCIJAM: Artists and journalists can now commiserate about not having jobs, together.

The East Shuttle: Rumor has it that administrators were considering Midway Airport as a pickup location for the shuttle, but chose Ratner instead.

The Central Shuttle that caught on fire: Providing some warmth on these cold winter nights.

Leadership Conversations: In all seriousness.

Hallowed Grounds: Sans cubicles.

The new athletics website: Now everyone can know exactly when they’re missing our sports teams play.

UChicago Electronic Army: We now know in the creepiest way possible that Freenters is not secure.

The IOP: For giving all of us the opportunity to say that one time we almost had the chance to see [insert famous politician]…if only we could get in.

Chance the Rapper: For not being Nelly.

Those decorative bowls of fruits/vegetables in Bartlett: Do you know how many bell peppers we’ve pocketed?

Wendy’s: For when you really need that late night frost—wait, there’s still no…there’s still no Wendy’s? When, uh, when is that, um…

The Divergent trailer: For revealing that the Reg and Mansueto would in fact exist in a dystopian world.

UChicago Crushes: #5934 Dear UChicago Crushes, Your witty words of desperation are an excellent source of procrastination.

Eugene Fama: For winning the Nobel for “empirical analysis of asset prices.”

Lars Peter Hansen: For winning the Nobel for something no newspaper can explain.

All that campus construction: For forcing us to take the scenic route on our way from the Quad to Booth.

Harold’s: For making the walk to CVS a crash course in aromatherapy.

Jack Cella (X’73): The retiring Sem Co-Op general manager has helped maintain one of the best bookstores in the city for 45 years.

Back-to-back four-day weekends: Keeping alive the delusion that, yes, you can catch up on two weeks of reading.

Everyone and everything we forgot: We’re sorry, Happy Thanksgiving.

The Editorial Board consists of the Editors-in-Chief and the Viewpoints Editors.